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We sit and eat, James asks me if I'm going to work today.I tell him yes, he then asks why I'm wearing jeans to the office."I don't know how you get away with it," he says finishing off his toast."Well I do get away with it and I'll only be in the office preparing fora court case.He nods, and rushes off to shower and gets dressed, I open my laptop andcheck my work emails and read some news, then clean up the kitchenAbout 20 minutes later I walk into his bedroom soon after I hear hishairdryer turn off.He's at his make-up table putting on his foundation and mascara, wearinghis hair in a high ponytail (but not on top of his head) with a redscrunchie, a red shirt-like blouse, and a waistcoat with red flowers onit."Why are you wearing pants darling," I ask."I always wear pants to work," he says brushing out his bangs."Well those waistcoat outfits come with skirts as well as pants, it's ashame you don't wear them," I've worn them, besides I'm a man, and men don't usually wear skirts. Now divorced and afraid of entering another relationship for fear offuture rejection, my mind craved something I knew I could never have.If anything my thoughts and desires to be a woman have only increasedover time. The sense of conflict has become so great within me it seemsevery moment of every day my thoughts are consumed by the idea.In today's world of Caitlyn Jenner and everyone claiming to besomething, I imagine people over simplifying my situation. They'd say'hey, if that's how you feel then go ahead and make the change.' Ofcourse these same people don't realize what that would do to the peopleimmediately around me and wouldn't consider a six foot five, twohundred and seventy-five pound man would make a very unattractive womanwho wouldn't be able to pass. Ever. At all. Although I'm consideredobese by BMI charts, I'm not in the least. My weight is nearly allmuscle and I have a low fat percentage. I can bench press close to fourhundred pounds and squat twice that much. Even.
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